Complex Humans, Confusing Emotions

chaotic assumptions and a million little things..

I once again find myself rummaging through the shelves of my notes app to find all the ( content) emotions trapped within me since the last time I wrote a blog.

From here, it’s going to be a bumpy ride, because I’ve unintentionally held a mirror to myself while writing this blog.

Assumption A: Grass is always greener on the other side

(It is not. Especially when everything seems to be so in place for the individual on the other side)

I worry too much. I feel like I’m trapped in the body of a corporate individual who’s only looking forward to the end of the day, a nice movie, and some relaxation. ( and doesn’t get any)

I’m not even a legal adult yet, still, I work and work; often with my own wish.Unfortunately, too much.

I love being a spectator sometimes, I like to (have to) get involved more often. But I'm the spectator for all things beautiful; humans doing mundane activities, the pretty jasmines covering the greens like snow, the dripping of water from the leaves after a particularly needed rainfall. That’s the only thing I can spectate as of now. Unfortunately sometimes, fortunately sometimes.

Yet on most occasions I miss the peace of sitting back and relaxing and watching something I so heartedly wanted to witness.Yet, couldn’t

A few months back while trying to find the root cause of a problem statement of my competition, I found the root cause of me delving into so many events and not saying “no.”

✨The answer: GUT WRENCHING ANXIETY✨

I (over)work to occupy myself, to forget that the world is there. While working it’s easy to shake off unwanted thoughts just like my constantly shaking legs due to GUT WRENCHING ANXIETY. Problematic? Trust me, I k(no)w.

I will be having so much on my plate, but I won’t be able to say this 2 letter word simple word: no, even when I’m as full as Kumbhakaran.

I am not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings by bringing in a character from Hindu mythology( god knows people get sensitive over every little topic nowadays)

I’m in all light-heartedness saying that I identify as Kumbhkaran;

loves sleeping, check ✅dangerously big appetite, check✅

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Assumption B: I am so sorted about the future.

(No one is, life is uncertain , and people, dumb)

Everyone keeps asking me what I want to do in life and for a long time I wanted to pursue something in mass communication but I’m not so sure anymore. I am utterly and chaotically confused as to what I want to become in life. I remember in grade 7 or 8 someone asked my classmate the same question and that person said: “A good person.” Everyone laughed but now all I can think of is : us bhai us.

Assumption C: Emotions are deceiving

(Yes, and no)

Some people are always smiling, doesn't mean they are always happy.

kabhi kabhi jo hota hai woh dikhta nahi, aur jo dikhta hai woh hota nahi.

//Whatever appears to the eyes is not the actuality, and whatever is actual is not visible the eyes.//

Life is but a dream and reality is fleeting.

Why arent people easy, simple, and innocent? Why has the human race forgotten that love can be unconditional, trust is a virtue and communication is better than assumptions?

I guess I will never know, I feel like a soul trapped in the wrong body, at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

(Then again, I guess if everyone started to tell the truth, the judiciary will become obsolete.)

But due to small little moments of hope called glimmers, I live for it all. Despite the lows that come with life, highs are all I hope for. Perhaps, today is not the best, but tomorrow will be. Hopefully

There are always some people who will say “Why are you so happy, or sad, don't laugh so much, don’t laugh so little, this and that.”

Well, I beg to differ, as life is big and these moments of happiness are small. It's these minuscule moments that make life worth living. “Don't cry too much, don't laugh too much.” But why? Aren't humans wired to feel? Moreover, it's not against any law to feel something so deeply that it causes you to giggle or cry.

Feel your feelings, don't suppress them.

Anyway, this blog was too personal. But I don’t care what anyone else thinks anymore. Everyone already assumes, but conversations are what keep humanity, love and life flowing.

Until the next,

Hopefully soon

Janhavi

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Nice things:

Something to wear off this week’s tiredness: