Grief and Love

I write to get out emotions out of my chest. Grief and Love. For me, these are the driving forces.

I often wonder what is love, other times I wonder what is grief. I also am not able to understand why I feel so much. So so much that I can honestly drown in my emotions if I do not get them out by writing, of course.

Writing is therapy, a calming activity for me. I remember in grade 6, I used to be the epitome of patience, but now not so much. Not at all. I’ve lost my patience to the chaos of this world and meditation does not really help me anymore, writing does.

If anyone asked me “Which 2 emotions do you primarily feel?”

I would say love and grief. I feel that they are 2 sides of the same coin, and I am on the coin’s edge. Falling. Balancing

There was this Mental Health Day activity in my school today, people wrote many positive things on a display board, and I did too…but I wonder do they follow it? do they mean it?

How do you know when a person is telling the truth? How do you know when a person means what he says? it’s beyond me….

I am always fascinated by people, in general. What mundane stuff they do, they love, they hurt, they grieve, they forgive, they love again. What activities do they do without thinking about consequences,” impulsive decisions”? I love watching people do things, say things, and feel things but I also hate seeing people do things, say things, and feel things. Humans are paradoxical.

Other Random Thoughts: People hurt you all the time. People love you all the time. But you never know when it'll be the last time they'll hurt you or the last time they'll make you happy. Life ends for some really soon, for some after a long ripe time. It’s the unpredictability of life that pushes you to live every moment and every second.

It's crazy how one day you could be so happy as if God has filled your pot of happiness to the brink and the next you're mourning the death of someone you didn't even know. Yet, you are so sure about the profound impact that person had on everyone’s life.

Here is a poem I wrote, about love, it’s such a vast thing I may not be able to grasp all its nuances, but what I could, here it is for you:

THERE IS LOVE
By me:)

There's love in leaving.
The love that shows through watery eyes,
with a gentle attempt to hide them.
It lies in a shaky voice, a lingered embrace,
a hope to meet again.
There's love in saying goodbye at present, just
to meet again in the future.

There's a love that hides in the eyes
of your grandparents when you leave their house.
A love that tries so hard,
to hide behind their old beautiful smiles, yet
is as clear as the grey in their hair.

Love lies in a place you no longer live in.
It shows through a choked-up throat,
when distance overtakes the closeness to your home.
There’s a love that resides in the entwined hands of your parents
on the clutch of your car.

Love hides in a romantic song playing in background
Completed with a rainy weather
and you.
You being the mute spectator to the subtle signs of love that resides,
a love that tries so hard to hide. Yet, cannot.
Yet, will not.

Do you know why I like cats, despite the fact that they bite and scratch and I dislike anything that bites and scratches because well, I’m scared of them.

It’s because cats are beautiful creatures, even in the darkness their eyes glisten ( yes there is a metaphorical meaning to this, please decipher it on your own), I like how they like their solitude ( alone, but never lonely) I like how unbothered they seem. LOVE

FOLLOWED BY GRIEF: Death Of A Pet

I had a fish in February, with mesmerizing fins, it was a blue-coloured betta fish. I used to watch it so intently and I went on a trip for 4 days, and he died. Grief. Sorrows.

(my fish- Nemo)

Maybe he loved me and died out of grief. maybe I am delulu(delusional) but that fish loved me because well I did and I was utterly heartbroken because

1) it was my first pet

2) nemo, became nemo ( nemo is Latin for nobody).

Yet, I still remember how the little aquarium was his beautiful house and how I couldn’t look at his lifeless body because I wanted the last memory in my mind to be of him fluttering in his aquarium, showing off the blue in his fins.

let’s talk about something else.

The reminder of love and grief, apart from writings…photographs, and videos.

I spent the last three hours scrolling my gallery of a fun day’s pictures, analyzing, watching, and reliving every moment and because of this reason, I thought about writing a part on photographs.

You know, it's so fascinating to me that we can capture reality through a box-like device with glimmering lights and well, a glass that we spend rubbing each day. Whatever. These digital memories are intriguing, it’s so peculiar to capture real life in a box with a battery.

It's so fascinating to me how photographs were developed, who thought about capturing and storing reality in photos and videos?

I am also fascinated by how first, there were negatives, films, polaroids, cameras, and finally mobiles. So many devices with a single objective to capture the moment. You know reality is fleeting, blink your eye and the moment is gone, except when the camera blinks its eye the moment is stored forever. Wonderful, right????

Also i was searching for poems related to grief and love and this came up. lol.😭

Don’t worry, if you’re thinking the same. Everyone has bad days and the sun rises again.

other nice things:

until next time<3

Janhavi